“Crazy Heart”

Max Reviews: “Crazy Heart” – 4 stars out of four.

I’ve found it relatively impossible to separate how good “Crazy Heart” is with how good Jeff Bridges is, try as I may. Speculation about whether the movie would be as fine without him seem pointless, as it never will be. Without him, that is. While plays are re-interpreted constantly, with new casts, new directors, new ideas, a film character and the actor who portrays him are inseperable. No matter what the character was on the page, for better or for worse, history will simply remember how they are portrayed. Therefore, to say Jeff Bridges plays Bad Blake seems to be an understatement. Let us proceed with the notion that Jeff Bridges is Bad Blake, or, to put it another way, Bad Blake is Jeff Bridges, and always will be. Comforting, isn’t it?

from one sad little boy to another: “Where the Wild Things Are” looks through me

Max “Reviews”: Where The Wild Things Are – 3.5 stars out of four.

I think when I first saw “Where The Wild Things Are”, I disliked it for not being perfect. Of course it isn’t. That’s kinda what’s so perfect about it, you know?

Has there ever been a movie that captured so astutely, and seemingly so effortlessly, the loneliness of being young (even if you’re old)? The irrational fear of not being loved when you are so loved, the pent-up frustration without proper outlets, the belief of your own infinite importance. Angry sadness, sad angriness. The mood swings. The longing for a mother’s love.

5 cups of coffee: A Fevered Review of “Shutter Island”

Max Reviews: “Shutter Island” – 1.5 stars out of four.

I have caught a lot of flack lately for some ill-advisedly dismissive Facebook statuses in regard to Martin Scorsese’s latest offering, which I will admit were designed simply to provoke reactions from what I thought (correctly) would be the hoards of supporters. And while I do admit to being a troll in my succinct kiss-off, I simply cannot tolerate being dismissed as any sort of contrarian or film-school snob (my actual film-school snobs would take offense to this – I was the one who loved “Avatar” after all). So I thought I would take a moment to clarify what exactly it was I did not like about “Shutter Island”, and hopefully inspire some spirited discussions this time instead of the juvenile name-calling that arose upon the first go-around.

Pomp and Extenuating Circumstances

Hello, all. I realized I haven’t updated in about 9 months, a time span which is notable for 2 reasons; it is the gestation period for you puny humans, and also the typical waiting period for a criminal trial in Canada which deals with drunken bestiality.

Williams has found himself incarcerated in a Western Canadian holding facility for reasons I’m not going to get into at the moment, suffice to say that the words ‘horse tranquilizers’ and ‘live cattle’ will now be forever burned into my memory, intertwined.

I found this out late last year, and have been operating as his de-facto attourney under the strange Albertan legal loophole in that allows any Jew to practice as a lawyer.

While his case is pending revision, I have decided, in his memory, to continue to uphold the site. Depending on the broadband service at the penitentiary, he may be occasionally chiming in with an insight or two, but to be honest I wouldn’t count on it.

Therefore I will be making myself quite at home here.

In an effort to restore the integrity of this site, we have decided to concentrate on actual reviews, and no longer engage in the petty sniping and character assassinations that Max and Williams was known for by our regular readers (i.e. my mother and that weird guy who hangs out at the library and talks about covered bridges). While our typical sardonic wit and Williams’ flaming homosexuality will remain, from this point on you can expect more focused reviews from this site.

I have thus chosen to hide the shameful backlog of this site, in an effort to have a clear start.

Williams Reviews the Reviews of The Wrestler

I just got home from watching The Wrestler, and if you’ve seen it, you don’t need anyone to tell you how good it is. It’s the first movie I have ever watched that had me running home to look online for reviews, just so I could see what people had said about it, and see if I agreed or disagreed. After a half an hour on Metacritic.com … I was appalled.

Williams Reviews That Cute Check-Out Girl at the Grocery

So I went out for my monthly trip to the grocery store (I was running low on beer … and beer nuts) and as I passed by aisle 3 … wow. The cutest Chinese girl imaginable was there bagging groceries. Or perhaps she was Japanese, or even Korean … I can’t tell the difference, and I’ve accepted the fact that I never will, and I really don’t care anyway. It’s beside the point, which is that none of the groceries I have ever bought in my life have been so fortunate as to have been handled and bagged by a female this attractive.  Nor, for that matter, have I.

Max Reviews The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I’ve been hearing about way too many people absolutely soaking their pants over this movie, so I really need to get to the point on this one; The Curious Case for Benjamin Button is not a great movie. It’s not even a good movie. It is, in fact, a rather bad movie, and a large disappointment, considering the pedigree involved. So who is to blame? Well, it’s hard not to count that on everybody, for agreeing to be involved in this ill-advised production, but the problem, first and foremost, is the writing from Forrest Gump screenwriter Eric Roth.

Williams Reviews “Doubt”

Doubt, adapted from the famous play by John Patrick Shanley, who directs, is the story of a progressive priest (Philip Seymour Hoffman) who is targeted for destruction by a cold, traditionalist mother superior (Meryl Streep). Or, according to my girlfriend, it is the story of a disgusting, paedophile priest (Hoffman) who is thwarted in his efforts to molest juicy young altar boys by a perceptive, courageous mother superior (Streep).

Max Reviews Zack and Miri Make a Porno

To my great surprise, and contrary to the suggestions of many of my most trusted critics, I found myself liking Zack and Miri less than any Smith film since Mallrats.